


What if this is all the love I ever get?

by brunetteandblond



Series: Moving On [10]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Family Feels, Waverly Earp-centric, Waverly's perspective, changes, coming home, dealing with changes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 07:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunetteandblond/pseuds/brunetteandblond
Summary: Waverly, Doc, and Dolls come home from the Garden. For them, it's been a week at most. For everyone else, it's been almost six years. They have to adapt to all the changes in Purgatory. And for Waverly, she has to wait for Nicole to fall back in love with her. She has to learn to be patient, but it's hard.Part 10 to Moving On but can be read alone. Alice





	1. What if it hurts like hell?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fauchevalent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauchevalent/gifts).



She woke up in what felt like a pile of wetness. She moved and felt herself sink inside of it. She recognized it as snow. She attempted to get up, even though she felt incredibly sore. It was dark, but she felt familiar with her surroundings. She looked around and found the two men she was hoping to see.

“Dolls! Doc! Get your butts up!” Waverly cheered as she jumped and down. “We’re home! We’re in Purgatory!”

She watched the two men groan and get up (their bodies were hurting as well).

“You’re right, Earp,” Dolls agreed as he looked around them. His eyes dazzled with awe. He never thought he’d find a way back. “Is this where you two got sucked into the garden?”

“I do believe so,” Doc answered as he wiped snow off his hat. “Do either of you understand how we arrived back at this destination?”

Waverly shrugged and replied, “I don’t really care. I just want to go home.”

“How do we know this isn’t just another test?” Dolls asked, not wanting to get his hopes up too much if they weren’t really safe.

She breathed in the air and shook her head. “This is home, Dolls. I just know it. Come one. Let’s go. Wynonna and the others must be going crazy trying to find us. Part of me even expected them to be here when we got out. What’s it been? Days?”

“Maybe for you,” Dolls muttered as he and Doc followed the woman in the direction of the Homestead. “It felt like years for me.”

“Let’s just get home,” Waverly stated matter-of-factly. “When we get home, everything will be okay.”

* * *

Nothing was okay. Everything was different. For Waverly, it felt like everything had changed (other than her and Doc). They were expecting warm hugs, happy tears, and lots of alcohol. Instead, they received stunned looks and the news that almost six years had passed.

Waverly kept her eyes steadily on Nicole and tried to piece together all that had changed about her girlfriend. The redhead didn’t look much different. Her hair was longer (and slightly messier) and she had more lines that etched her face (created by years of smiling and laughter). But of course, she was still gorgeous, six years later. The younger Earp couldn’t help but notice that the sheriff had a hard time looking directly at her.

Alice was everything Waverly imagined and more. She had Wynonna’s looks (especially her hair and dimples) and fierceness. But the young girl also reminded her of Nicole in a way Waverly didn’t understand. She was definitely surprised that the young girl called her girlfriend her ‘dad.’ Of course, Waverly thought it was cute (and she was glad that Nicole had helped Wynonna raise baby Earp), but she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness that she wasn’t able to be there to help raise her niece. She hated that she didn’t have the privilege to see Alice grow. She felt like a whole part of her life was taken away from her.

Wynonna was the most different out of the adults. Waverly couldn’t help but notice that Wynonna had the ‘mom’ haircut. It was short (cut right above her shoulders), but the hair was still as gorgeous and perfect as always. The ex-Heir (who now had hipster glasses on) was wearing sweatpants, a sweater, and _Harry Potter_ socks. Waverly couldn’t help but notice how grown up she looked.

Jeremy and Robin looked just about the same. Waverly wasn’t surprised that they got married. She loved them as a couple (and now as married parents). She was glad that the team had stayed together after all of these years, but she wished that she could have lived these years with them.

Once Jeremy and Robin (and their son, Henry) left to go to their own home for the night, things became much more awkward. A lot had changed for Nicole and Wynonna, and they didn’t know where to start explaining.

Alice had fallen asleep in Doc’s arms and Wynonna looked at them with awe. It made Waverly wonder if her sister had lost hope that they were ever going to come back.

“We told her all about you guys,” Nicole promised in a whisper, leaning closer to the younger Earp sibling as if she was telling her specifically (like somehow, even after all these years, Nicole knew exactly what the other woman was thinking). “She’s been so excited to meet you all.”

“You seem to have done an extraordinary job raising her, Wynonna,” Doc told her kindly. “She’s precious. She reminds me so much of her mother.”

The brunette’s eyes watered and she looked speechless. Waverly was about to reach over to hold her sister’s hand, but Nicole had grabbed her hand before the younger Earp even had a chance. Waverly watched the look that her sister and girlfriend had shared. She didn’t comprehend it. For her, a week ago, Wynonna and Nicole annoyed and berated each other constantly as if it were their jobs. And now, they held hands naturally, as if they held hands all the time. She tried to not let it get to her, but she was having trouble adapting to the changes.

Unfortunately, all Waverly wanted to do was take Nicole to her room, propose to her again, and sleep with her after a week of being in what felt like hell. But now, so much had changed that she didn’t even know if having a relationship with the redhead would be possible.

Waverly jumped when she heard the sound of a loud snore. The group all turned to find Dolls asleep on the couch. The younger Earp sibling smiled knowing that he hadn’t slept in a long time. None of them had.

“Maybe we should all go to bed,” Waverly suggested simply. “We have all the time to talk in the morning.”

Wynonna almost seemed like she wanted to refuse, but she received a look from Nicole (a reassuring glance, telling her it was okay to let people go for the night). She nodded and replied, “Yeah, okay. Doc…”

“The floor is fine, Wynonna,” He told her with a grateful smile. He didn’t care where he slept. He was home with his daughter. “Would you mind if I tucked her into bed?”

The older Earp sister bit her lip as if she became emotional about the question that he asked. “Of course not. She took Willa’s room. It’s a lot different now,” She said when she turned to Waverly. “Your room isn’t any different, Waves. We can all go up.”

They followed Wynonna upstairs. They all gravitated toward the child’s room, and Doc carried his daughter and placed her gently into the young girl’s bed. Waverly was incredibly surprised by how different the room looked since the last time she saw it. She never thought Wynonna would ever be able to change Willa’s room. But years had passed. And people changed.

“I’ll head back downstairs,” Doc told Wynonna before kissing her cheek. They embraced for a short second before he headed back downstairs.

Waverly turned to look at Nicole, who seemed extremely on edge. It was almost as if the redhead didn’t know where to go.

Wynonna wrapped her arms tightly around her sister and whispered in her ear, “I love you, baby girl,” before she headed off into her own room. She barely even looked at Nicole, which Waverly thought was odd since they had seemed so close all night. It made the younger Earp wonder if Wynonna expected to see Nicole later that night.

Eventually, the sheriff followed Waverly into her old room (that looked the same as it did before), but the brunette noticed that Nicole didn’t seem too thrilled about it. They crawled into the cold bed and Nicole seemed to not know what to do with the other woman in the bed. For Waverly, just a week ago, they were in this bed as a couple. They’d spent the night snuggling, sleeping, or… doing other things. But it was different for Nicole, who had spent years missing the brunette. And now that Waverly was back, she just seemed clueless.

“Just hold me, Nicole,” Waverly said softly as if giving Nicole something to do would help the situation.

Nicole held Waverly, but the brunette could feel that the redhead was tense and barely breathing. It was obvious that Nicole was uncomfortable and that broke Waverly’s heart. Though, the younger Earp didn’t spend too much time dwelling on it. She fell asleep only minutes after her head reached the pillow.

* * *

She felt the bed move and she opened her eyes in the pitch dark to see Nicole walking out of the room. Waverly almost immediately got up without thinking, but the realization dawned on her. They weren’t the same couple that they were a week ago. Things had changed for Nicole, and Waverly had no clue what she would actually say to the woman.

Besides, she heard Nicole’s footsteps travel to the room next door, rather than down the stairs like she had expected. She heard Wynonna’s door close and Waverly was sure that the redhead had gone to her sister’s room.

Waverly tried to not feel hurt (but she was failing). She tried to not feel jealous (but she was breaking). She tried to go to sleep without feeling anything much at all.


	2. I know the wreckage so well

The younger Earp sibling woke up from the amount of sunlight in her room. She yawned and eventually got up, even with the dull ache in her limbs and heart. She traveled to the sound of voices and found Doc and Dolls drinking coffee at the kitchen table with Alice in the middle of them, showing them pictures from a photo album.

“Auntie Waverly!” Alice cheered happily.

“Hey, Alice!” Waverly greeted as she shared a smile with the two men. “Wynonna and Nicole not down yet?”

Before either of the guys could reply, Alice told her, “Mama and daddy sleep in on Saturdays. They don’t turn their alarm on. Usually, I sleep in too. But I was too excited to sleep. Auntie Waves, come look at these pictures.”

Waverly didn’t have time to think about what that meant since her attention turned to the photos on a page. Alice seemed to be about three-years-old, and it looked like the photo was taken during Halloween. Alice was as a tiny alien and she was grinning widely with a bag of candy in her hands. She was in between Nicole, who dressed up as Dana Scully from X-Files, and Wynonna, who was dressed up as Fox Mulder. They were all smiling like a family. 

Most of the pictures were like that. They were either of the three of them, just Alice, or the three of them with the Jett-Chetri family. But then, Alice pointed out her favorite picture in the album.

“Look! Mama and daddy! That’s my favorite.”

Waverly could tell why. Both Nicole and Wynonna’s dimples were showing as the brunette laid her head on Nicole’s lap. It was obvious that they were both laughing. And though Alice didn’t show her this picture, the adult Earp’s eyes traveled to another picture. Wynonna and Nicole were sleeping on the couch, in each other’s arms.

Waverly didn’t have a chance to ask her niece about the pictures because the door opened and Jeremy, Robin, and Henry walked into the house like it was something they did every day (which she soon found out they did, every Saturday).

“Hey, guys!” Jeremy exclaimed as he placed a box of doughnuts on the table. “Thought we’d bring some breakfast over since neither Nicole or Wynonna can cook for the life of them. Don’t worry, Waves. I brought some vegan ones. They added some while you were… gone.”

Not realizing how tense it became, Henry and Alice opened the box and grabbed the two chocolate doughnuts in there, causing everyone to laugh.

“How are you guys doing this morning?” Jeremy asked the three other adults besides Robin, trying to ease the tension. “Did you all get any sleep?”

Dolls and Doc nodded as they stuffed doughnuts in their mouths (they hadn’t eaten much at all in the garden).

Waverly didn’t feel much like eating. She still felt queasy about Nicole and Wynonna (and felt guilty about feeling that way).

“Wynonna and Nicole,” the younger Earp sibling whispered to the married couple, even though she knew that the other two men were listening and wondering the same thing. “Are they a thing… or… they slept in the same bed.”

Jeremy and Robin shared a look of intense discomfort. They didn’t feel like they should be the ones to answer the question. Waverly saw the look and thought the worst. She was for sure at this point that Nicole and Wynonna were together.

The couple was saved as the two women in question came down the stairs. Everyone stared at them. Waverly could tell they looked worried. Both of them looked like they were deer caught in headlights.

Before she knew it, the question “Are you guys together?” spilled out of her mouth. She mentally kicked herself and felt guilty that she sounded so accusatory. Trying to fix what she said, she added, “It’s okay if you are. I know a lot of time has passed and you two have gotten very close. And I’m sure you both have been very lonely and--”

“Waverly!” Nicole almost yelped so that she could stop Waverly from continuing. “Wynonna and I aren’t together. At all romantically. We are just… she’s my best friend. My rock. We’ve raised Alice together for five years. We share a bed, but no funny business happens or anything.”

Noticing Waverly’s unwavering uncertainty, Wynonna (as she smiled at Nicole, to give and gain some comfort) said, “When Alice started calling her ‘dad,’ it began as a joke. But it really isn’t. I mean, most people in this town think we’re together… but we aren’t. She’s just my--”

“Platonic soulmate!” Jeremy interrupted as if trying to save his friend. “They’re so cute!”

Wynonna and Nicole shared an eye roll as everyone else laughed, but Waverly could tell that they didn’t disagree. There was a love between them (a love that may have not been there a week ago for the younger Earp).

This was the new reality. And Waverly knew she had to get used to it. And part of her hated that she had to do that. Of course, she was glad that she was home with the people she loved, but part of her felt like she no longer belonged. Like there wasn’t a place for her at the Homestead. And she couldn’t help feeling a little bit lonely because of it. And then guilty again. Because she knew how hard it must have been for them, and yet she’s the one complaining.

Waverly tuned out the rest of breakfast. There was a lot of smiling and laughing. It seemed like Doc and Dolls were fitting right back into the family. Like nothing had changed for them. But everything had changed. And Waverly had no control over that. And that scared her shitless.

Excusing herself, she walked out the door to feel less suffocated. She sat down on the front steps and tried to think about things. It all hurt. She didn’t want it to bother her, but she couldn’t help it.

“Waverly,” Nicole whispered as she sat down next to her… girlfriend? Waverly didn't even know that anymore. “I can’t imagine how overwhelming this must be for you. I mean, it was a lot for me and ‘Nonna, but we at least had the chance to live the last few years. This must be incredibly hard for you.”

The brunette sniffled and wiped her eyes. She didn’t even realize she was crying until then. All she wanted to do was take the redhead’s hand and press her lips against hers. That’s all she wanted to do. And she _couldn’t_.

“I feel so selfish,” Waverly admitted slowly. “I didn’t have to even grieve for any of you. It was just a week of hell. But you guys, you had to live through years of missing us. I don’t even know what you all went through. And I’m the one feeling bad for myself.”

“Just because we hurt for a long time, Waves, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to hurt now,” Nicole told her simply. She sighed and looked up at the sky. “I still can’t really believe it. That you’re home. That you’re here with me. I spent so much time hoping, praying, and looking for you. And now you’re here and I’m afraid to touch you let alone look at you. I’m afraid that if I get used to you being back, you’ll be taken away from me again. And fuck, I can’t go through that again. I was in such a bad place when you were first gone.”

“I’m sorry…” Waverly whispered, not knowing what to say about that.

“Don’t apologize, baby,” Nicole replied and wiped the brunette’s tears away. She took the Earp’s hand and looked into her eyes. “It’s not your fault. No one blames you. Not me. Not Wynonna. Nobody. We’re just glad that you’re home. That you’re here with us.”

Waverly smiled, feeling slightly reassured. The loving nickname helped, too. It all gave her hope, really. That a relationship with the redhead would be possible again.

“You know, the last time we were out here, I proposed,” the brunette mentioned (as casually as she could).

Nicole snorted and replied, “And here, today, is where we will slow down. I want to get married to you someday, Waverly Earp. But so much has changed. And I just want-- I want to go slow. Date. Have fun without any supernatural things around us.”

Waverly nodded and murmured quickly, “So, are you going to keep going to Wynonna at night?”

The redhead opened her mouth, but then closed it and shook her head. She almost wanted to laugh at the question but she knew that Waverly was serious.

“Waves, I’ve been sleeping in the same bed as your sister for about four or so years. _Four years.”_

Waverly understood what that meant and she subconsciously clenched her fists. “Four years. That’s like three more than being with me.”

“Which isn’t your fault,” Nicole muttered, feeling the other woman tense up next to her. “It’s just how it’s been. So, my answer is yes. I probably will be sleeping in Wynonna’s bed for a while because that’s what I’m used to. That’s home for me. Which is good, because it’ll give us some time to start something new. Something better.”

* * *

Nicole didn’t lie. It took a while. Months even, for the redhead to transition from Wynonna’s bed to Waverly’s. Then again, that’s not where the transition ended. Wynonna was also itching for the sheriff to shack up with her sister. That way, her bed could be free for someone else. Dolls.

Also like Haught had said, their relationship did become better and so much stronger than before. They were more domesticated. Free loving. There was nothing forcing them to be together. Nothing spooky that threatened to tear them apart. They could just fall in love again.

Waverly slowly felt like she was a part of the family again. It was hard for some time. Seeing Wynonna and Nicole as the Dynamic Duo made her feel a little left out. But eventually, from stories from Jerebin (or even WynHaught themselves), she learned how broken they were before they came together. Before they became best friends. And maybe, deep down, she was glad that her girlfriend and sister loved each other (because a year ago, it would have been all she ever wanted).

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please review if you can! If you liked this, go read my other one-shots. They're pretty cool.
> 
> Ooh, and if you have any other comments or if you have any suggestions/requests, you can message me in tumblr @haught-n-cold-gay
> 
> I'd love to hear from you!


End file.
